If you only have a minute
- A couples intensive is concentrated, private couples work over two to four days, instead of one hour a week.
- It helps most when you are in crisis, healing from infidelity, stuck in the same fight, feeling like roommates, or deciding whether to stay.
- It is not right during active abuse, an ongoing affair, or active addiction.
- At New Birth, intensives begin at $3,500 and include aftercare, so the changes last.
"Then boom, fifty minutes is up"
The sentence I hear most from couples who reach out goes something like this: weekly couples counseling feels like we never get to the root cause. We spend each session remembering what we talked about last week, and then, boom, fifty minutes is up.
If that sounds familiar, you are not doing therapy wrong. Weekly sessions have real value, but for some couples, the hurt is too deep and too urgent to work through in small pieces with a week in between.
What a couples intensive actually is
A couples intensive is a way to get to the root cause. We rip the bandage off and talk about the real hurt, not just the argument about the dishes or the phone.
The New Birth way goes one step further. We also tend to the body, which has often been holding onto the hurt, the frustration and the stress for a long time. We find the real issue, heal the spirit, and rebuild on a solid, stronger foundation.
"We find the real issue, heal the spirit, and rebuild on a stronger foundation."Dr. Regina Ransom
Signs you might be ready
- Your relationship feels like it is in crisis.
- You are healing from infidelity.
- You feel like roommates, not a couple.
- You keep having the same fight over and over.
- You are deciding whether to stay or go.
When an intensive isn't the right fit
An intensive is never the right step when any of these are happening:
- Active abuse in the relationship
- An affair that is still ongoing
- Active addiction that needs treatment first
This is part of why every intensive starts with a screening call. If an intensive isn't the right fit, we will tell you, and help you find the care that is.
What happens during an intensive
It starts with a short application and a phone screening. Then each of you completes a pre-assessment before we ever meet, so I know exactly where to start on day one.
From there, I use the Rooted Method, developed at New Birth, which moves through four phases: Foundation, Repair, Rebuild and Stabilization. The work blends the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy and whole-person wellness.
Intensives come in two-, three- and four-day formats, in person in San Diego. Many couples fly in from other states to do this work together.
What happens after
The aftercare matters as much as the intensive itself. In the month after, you have four weekly calls. You also receive an aftercare plan and a 90-day post-intensive program. That follow-through reinforces what you learned, so it starts to become a habit instead of a memory.
What it costs
Intensives begin at $3,500. Insurance usually does not cover them, but payment plans are available when you book 30 days or more ahead.
When couples weigh the cost, I walk them through two comparisons: what months of weekly therapy add up to, and what a divorce can cost, financially and emotionally. Seen that way, an intensive is often the more focused investment.
What if my partner isn't sure?
This happens a lot. Often one partner is ready and the other needs time. Whatever you do, it should never come across as an ultimatum. An invitation lands very differently than a demand.
To help with that conversation, I wrote a free guide, How to Ask Your Partner to Do a Couples Intensive. It walks you through what to say, when to say it, and what to do if the answer is "I'll think about it."
From my marriage to yours
I have been married for 33 years, so I understand the challenges a relationship can bring. I also know that change can happen when both people are willing to put in the work.
When you have been together a long time, you learn that you fall in love all over again with a new person every five to ten years, because we change and grow as we get older. An intensive can be the place where you meet each other again.
Apply for a private couples intensive
Applying doesn't commit you to anything. You'll start with a free, private screening call with Dr. Ransom.
Apply for an intensiveNot ready yet? Start with the free Daily Reconnect card, ten minutes a day to check in and say thank you.
Frequently asked questions
How long is a couples intensive?
At New Birth, intensives run two, three or four days, in person in San Diego. Each day is a full working day with breaks and lunch built in.
How much does a couples intensive cost?
Intensives begin at $3,500. Insurance usually does not cover them. Payment plans are available when you book 30 days or more ahead.
Is a couples intensive better than weekly couples therapy?
It is different. Weekly sessions spread the work over months, and each week starts by catching up. An intensive keeps the momentum going, so you can get to the root of the problem instead of circling it.
Can we do a couples intensive if we don't live in California?
Yes. Couples fly in to San Diego from other states for their intensive, and the work happens in person.
Do we have to be married?
No. Intensives are for committed couples, married or not.
What if my partner doesn't want to come?
That is very common. Start with an invitation, not an ultimatum. Dr. Ransom's free guide, How to Ask Your Partner to Do a Couples Intensive, walks you through the conversation.
What happens after the intensive?
You receive an aftercare plan, four weekly follow-up calls in the month after, and a 90-day post-intensive program to help the changes become habits.
This article is educational and is not therapy or medical advice. If you or your partner are in danger, call 911. For support with domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.